The Divine Thrust

Tonight I received a very valuable lesson in letting go. As a control freak in transition I thought I was really getting a hold of this letting go and trusting in my higher power to take care of the rest thing. I trust God but tonight I realised I didn’t trust Him with everything. There is that one spot I think I had hidden even from myself that in my subconscious allowed me to retain some form of my control. It reminded me of the hocruxes left behind by ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ a.k.a. Lord Voldemort in Harry Potter. For those not in the know a ‘hocrux’ is a powerful object in which a dark wizard or witch has hidden a fragment of his or her soul for the purpose of attaining immortality. I realised that I have been keeping a hocrux or two to measure how deep I went in surrendering to this great destiny I see for myself. Unfortunately for me I believe in a God of complete surrender and if you pray for and meditate on ‘complete openness’; complete openness is what you will get.
So my little ‘hocrux’ was revealed to me. I realised that in my drive to finally get my dream going one thing still holds me back, complete trust. My ability to let go and trust in the unknown, specifically for me as a Christian trusting God without a doubt. I now realise that this was the cause for my mental block, my inability to put my plans in a proper strategy to implement my project. The control freak in me still wants the 100% assurance that this thing will work out. I do not for one second doubt that this is my calling and I do not doubt that if I do not do it ‘NOW’ I will forever live to regret having clipped my own wings. I now understand the feeling that Icarus must have felt before he took those wings and clipped them on his back. I am sure he asked himself the very same question I have been asking myself but that isn’t the point is it? Because that sensation you feel under your skin, in between every cell in your body that says ‘NOW’. Your dreams scream in that voice and you just get no rest from it. Every breath you take and give aches of it. Icarus just wanted to fly, the sun had nothing on the fire that was burning inside him.
I was trying to control the fire that is why I was keeping my little hocrux; my fall back point. I forgot that to completely let go meant that I had to unshackle everything and no amount of subterfuge would help. I don’t know what you call it but I call it the ‘Divine Thrust’, the proverbial kick in the ass from God, the Universe or whatever you want to call your Higher Power.
All I know is that no matter what, there is no ignoring it. I can only obey.

 

Love and Blessings
Thembile
A Woman Re-Imagined