What’s in a name?

 

 

Jul: What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet; so Romeo would,

Were he not Romeo call’d, Retain that dear perfection which he owes without that title.

Romeo, doff thy name; and for that name, which is no part of thee, take all myself.

Rom: I take thee at thy word. Call me but love, and I’ll be new baptiz’d…”

Romeo and Juliet, Act II Scene II

 

This has to be one of my favourite scenes from Shakespeare’s play Romeo and Juliet. In a world of titles it just so beautifully illustrated what titles mean to human beings. Titles will lead people to war, titles will cause a person to take responsibility, titles will give security and unfortunately titles are used to hurt and bind. So it goes without saying that it is important what you are called in this world but more importantly it is important what you call yourself. When a child is conceived people want to know whether it’s a boy or a girl because that is one thing that will determine the name and the clothes they will wear at the least. Eventually his or her parents will choose a name that people in the world will call her legally. There are other titles that are given that denote the social status of a person and they are just as important. Are you single, married or divorced and once again these titles will determine what access you have. Some titles are cruel and are solely designed to hurt a person. They are either created by people around that person or in some cases by the person themselves.

 

One thing I realized when I fell pregnant was how important the name I would give my daughter was going to be because it would tell about my attitude towards her and the circumstances of her birth. In retrospect the names I chose for her ended up defining my experience of her. In my naming her she was my blessing, she was a light in my life, she was the very thing that changed the course of my life for the better. I told her before I met her how proud I was of who she was and who she was going to be. I told her that the circumstances of her birth will be nothing to the world changer she was going to be. At 10 months she is like the rising sun itself in personality and in appearance and I am already proud of the woman she is becoming. Every milestone I wish I can record and just keep as a reminder but then I am reminded that she will do more and I don’t want to keep these moments as a standard for her.

 

The way she has impacted my life has been phenomenal. In giving her these names; she made me conscious of the names I had allowed people to give me and the names I was giving myself. I did not like any of it. I wanted to be a light to my daughter, a shining example of a woman living her life unapologetically. I wanted her to be proud of me and for her to take pride in her circumstances. Something had to give and give it I have. This past year has been full of challenges but I can honestly say I would not have had it any other way because beauty and love has come out of it. As Romeo put it ‘call me but love, and I’ll be new baptiz’d”.

 

My old names still want to lay claim and somehow they still find expression in the most fascinating ways that you realise that the things we speak to ourselves truly becomes a living thing that has the ability to determine the things we believe in, what we believe is possible in our world, how kind we are towards ourselves and others. I have decided for myself that the words that reside in my mind are subject to my authority, I qualify them and they must be worthy to be in me. The question on what am I to call myself came up because of the transition that I am going through and I realise how insufficient the names I have been calling myself are. They do not describe the wonderful, intelligent woman that I am. They describe a woman who was just never enough in a situation however untrue that was.

 

The names you give yourself determine what you permit people to do in your life, the words literally become flesh. If you are asking yourself ‘what did you do to deserve this?’, ‘what do you take me for?’ the words you speak to yourself could tell you why that is happening. I must however be honest and say sometimes a situation will happen not because it is invited but to test the validity of your words because sometimes in good faith we speak words to ourselves but have not anchored them in our reality. In other words we are living them superficially. I had a lot of those and things in the past year have happened that have forced me to either walk the talk or discard the description.

 

Your name or what you call yourself should be so well chosen that anyone who encounters you would know who you are without explaining yourself but do not be scared that if people don’t get it right you must show them who you are, unapologetically. Your authentic self is just too valuable to be subject to apologies. So just be and the rest will be with you.

 

Love and Light

Thembile Cele

A Woman Re-Imagined