Ponderings

I sit here wondering about the depths of my brokenness
I ponder how deep the bitterness grows
I wonder as I peel back layer by layer
Why I never knew how broken hearted I am.
I wonder how all this time I smiled and said ‘I’m okay, I’m good’

Right here, right now
I don’t feel ok
I feel this great hunger gnawing at my gut and I wonder,
What is this emptiness that clouds my soul
Where do these tears flowing through my heart come from
As they mix and mix with the hunger gnawing at my gut
I cry mournfully because I never quiet realised that you left me with a broken heart focused as I was at being strong…..

So now I sit wondering how I will overcome the bitterness, anger and hurt.
My heart cries: ‘I didn’t deserve this!’
And my responds ‘who did’
That’s life isn’t it?
So I sit quietly waiting for that moment when my sunshine will break-through
And my heart can say ‘all is well’